I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
