Midget sex pt 2 tonight
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
