Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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