..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
