Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
