week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
