just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
