Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
