Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
