if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
