Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
