just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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