We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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