a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
