you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
