Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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