some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
