if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
