maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
