it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
