I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
