I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
