I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
