Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
