Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
