Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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