Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
