I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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