its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
