Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
