i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
