Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
