Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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