Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
