Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
