We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
