I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
