remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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