I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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