On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
