Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
