I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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