She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
