Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
4 words: hood of his car
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
