I wish I could teleport
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
