you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
