it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
