I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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