I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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