im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
