Say something about gay babies.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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